How the world goes
by galindaby
Summary: Remus' reaction to Molly mentioning that Tonks spends Christmas alone


So here's my second story on (the first was my attempt to do a drabble, I don't know if it's any good for I have real problems with getting to the point with just a few words ;)) and I hope you like it :). I'm German, so blame any mistakes on that fact XD.

Nymphadora Tonks sat in her living room and stared at the wall in front of her. It was Christmas and she was all alone in her flat. She knew she could walk in on her parents any time but she simply didn't want to see anyone right now. Well, except for one Remus Lupin. But it was about as possible to have him here as to make a little small talk with Lord Voldemort.

She just didn't understand his reasons. He kept avoiding her like she had some horrible disease and still he never said that he didn't love her. Okay, he never said that he loved her either, but that had to mean something, right? All he ever gave her were his stupid excuses: too old, too poor, too dangerous. All of them were not even worth thinking about. Age didn't matter, money neither and danger was the description of her job. But he didn't want to listen to her whenever she said this to him. And she had said those words many, many times. He said he didn't want to hurt her. If he would just look at her for once, he would see that this was exactly what he was doing. She couldn't even remember the last time she had morphed, or better said had been able to morph. When she turned her head to look out of the window for a change, she could see her own reflection. God, she looked really terrible. But still not as terrible as she felt. Sighing, she made her way to the bathroom to at least comb her hair. It was nothing but a brown mess on top of her head right now. Tonks tried to remember when she had last combed it, but it wouldn't come to her mind. Probably because it was some time by now. She just fought with the last resistent strand, when suddenly there was a knock on her door.

Tonks jumped and the comb fell to the floor. Who could it be? She told her parents not to come and she was sure they wouldn't for she wasn't that much of a fun about now. They wouldn't want to ruin their good Christmas mood. Molly had enough to do back at the Burrow, which pleased Tonks very much because Molly wouldn't listen to her when she said she shouldn't come. Really, as much as she liked Molly, she could get on her nerves sometimes. Especially when she was depressed. So there was no one left. A Death Eater probably wouldn't knock, but who else could it be? Carefully, she took her wand and walked slowly to the door. Whoever was outside got impatient and knocked a second time. Wand at the ready, Tonks stopped right before the door.

"Who is it? Identify yourself!"

"It's me, Remus John Lupin, werewolf, member of the Order of Phoenix..."

"Okay, okay, that's enough. Come in."

She opened the door and stepped aside to let him in. What he could possibly want here was beyond her, but she would at least listen to him. She made him a sign to follow her into the living room. Falling into her usual seat on her old armchair – a present from her grandfather – she waited for him to speak. Obviously he was very nervous for he fumbled with his hands and couldn't bring himself to sit down. That sort of behaviour made her nervous as well.

"Why don't you sit down, Remus? You make me nervous when you keep standing around like this."

"Oh, sorry."

He quickly sat down but kept looking away from her. Exasperated, she decided to speak herself for he seemed not to be able to.

"So, what do you want here, Remus? I thought you spent Christmas at the Burrow."

"I actually do. I... I just wanted to see you. Molly said that you're alone on Christmas. Seems like she was right." He gave her a weak smile that she wasn't able to respond to.

"She is. But that's surely not the reason why you're here. You avoided me for I don't know how many months and now you're standing at my door because Molly said something about me spending Christmas alone? Since when does that even interest you?"

"Tonks, please. You know that I care for you..."

"Yeah, but not enough! Or I wouldn't sit here spending Christmas alone, don't you think?"

"Tonks, we've been through this so many times. Do we have to start again? You know my arguments and I know your answers but there can't be anything between us, please try to understand."

"Why not? Because of your silly excuses? Oh, please. That's all they are, excuses. I mean, see it the other way round. Would you let me down if you were the young Auror and I the old werewolf? Besides, you're not **that **old."

"Maybe not by number. But after everything I've been through... I guess that makes me at least ten years older than I actually am. Lycantrophy does not help, either. You just don't understand. If you were me, would you really start a relationship, knowing that you would pull me down and ruin my future?"

"You're not ruining my future, Remus! It is about time that the wizarding society sees how small-minded they are. Just because that git Greyback bit you when you were a child doesn't mean that you're less worth than anyone else. In fact, you're a much better person than most of them. If they exclude me from society for loving the wonderful man you truly are, than I will stand against this until they see their fault. I know, that may sounds childish to you, but if nobody stands up against their stupid, discriminating laws than how are they going to change? See it this way: You're not doing something selfish, you're setting a sign."

Remus couldn't suppress a grin. Tonks had her way to make people see the world like she saw it. But the days when he thought the world could be changed so easily were long ago. He knew that their being together wouldn't change a thing, on the contrary, it would just drag her down. And he didn't want to see this beautiful spirit of her's broken because of his selfishness.

"I'm sorry, Tonks. But that's just not the way the world goes. I once believed in this as much as you do, but time taught me that in this world there is no place for hope. At least not for the likes of me. I don't want you to experience that, not the way I had to. I shouldn't have come, sorry. Merry Christmas, Tonks."

"But..."

Before she could say anything else, he was through the door and gone, leaving her alone hopeless and in tears.

I know that it's sad, next time there will be more of a happy end :). So, if you liked it, please review! :)


End file.
